My first baby turns six tomorrow.
SIX!!
It can't be six years, surely?!
Six years ago tomorrow, my life changed in an instant. A perfect baby boy was placed in my weary, shaking arms and I was lost forever. His actual birth wasn't that flash so I'm not going to dwell on that, I am just going to share some precious memories with you.
When he was a week old, Bathurst was on. The future ex husband had gone to a friends place to watch the race so I packed Liam and I up and we went around to see my parents. My Aunty, Cousin and Granny were summonsed and we spent the day playing with our new toy! We lay him on the table, on a bunny rug and some towels, and just marvelled in his amazingness. Every little move and noise he made was commented on. There was no other baby in the world who was so advanced, beautiful or perfect.
The laying him on the table thing continued until he could roll over. We would sit there for hours just looking at him and trying to get him to smile and talk to us. We would grab the towels and turn him around so he would face us, all taking turns. They were happy days.
My heart still swells when I remember his first real smile. He had been smiling for a couple of weeks but only the slightly amused smile, not the "oh you ARE funny" smile. I didn't know it existed until around three one morning when I was trying to get him back to sleep after a bottle. I must of lay him down in his bassinet and let out a big sigh when I looked down and he stared up at me with those beautiful, blue eyes and gave me a heart breaking smile. How could I resist? That smile got me through some yucky times, and it still does.
He was a beautiful toddler, always on the go and getting into various mischief. He had the chubbiest arms and legs and before his first hair cut, the most beautiful curly, blonde hair. We lived in Longreach for a short time when he was a toddler and he spent most of his time naked in the air con or in the shower. We used to venture outsides in the afternoon and I would hose the dog and him off. The dog didn't like it that much but Liam loved it! He was also rather fond of standing in the dogs water, which she would happily drink out of with him still in it!
When he became a big brother for the first time, I was worried how he would take it, not being the only baby in my life. The day he met Joseph, he walked into the hospital room and straight up to the bassinet and stared into it, taking it all in. He had his moments of jealousy obviously, but he is a great big brother to Joseph and they are the best of friends now.
When Clancy came along, he was obsessed! I didn't even get a hello the day he met her for the first time, he strolled in and said "Where's Clancy?" and headed straight for her bassinet! He has taken the role of looking after his little sister very seriously and loves her to the moon and back!
Liam started Prep at the beginning of this year. We were very nervous on his first day, even though I only left him for just over an hour. I worried that he would be scared because he can be very shy but when I arrived to collect him, he was sitting down with all of his school mates having fruit and a good old chat. On the way home, he said to me "Mummy.... did you know that God is EVERYWHERE?!" Good old Catholic schools, they don't mess around!
Having Liam changed my life forever. Since he came into my life, I have never felt such love, joy, happiness, pride, fear, anger, distress and... oh so many other things. There have been tough times of being a Mummy but the good times far out way the bad.
He is the most perfect first born child I could ask for. His gappy grin, twinkling, grey eyes and mischievous ways light up my days.
Happy Birthday to my big boy, Liam Grant. I am so proud to be your Mummy and thank God every day that you chose me to be with you on this journey of life.
You are beautiful and I love you so very much.
All of my love, hugs and kisses,
Mummy xxxx
Saturday 1 October 2011
Saturday 10 September 2011
Happy Birthday, Clancy.
My baby girl turned two on Wednesday.
My last baby.
I cried.
She giggled.
*sigh*
I found out I was pregnant with Clancy three days after the future ex husband and I separated. Not great timing. It was perfect timing.
I loved being pregnant, it centred me. I had to be strong, not only for my little boys, but for the baby that was growing in my belly. Whenever things got too much for me, I'd put my hand on my swollen tummy and feel her move. I knew then that everything was going to be OK.
The moment my baby girl was born, I felt at peace and stronger, so much stronger then I had been in the years prior. This tiny little baby, who depended on me for everything, gave me so much. When she was 5 weeks old, I reached a turning point in my rocky relationship with the future ex husband where I realised that there was no going back, and only going forward. From that moment on, I was living my life for my three babies and myself. It felt right, and has ever since.
Clancy is a pure delight. Well, she has her terrible toddler moments, of course but honestly, she is just beautiful to be around. She has got her big brothers wrapped around her little finger. Her every wish, is there command. Her personality is a wonderful mixture of sweetness, bossiness, innocence and evil. She loves pretty things like necklaces and shoes. She also loves mud and cars. She loves to dance, while looking at her reflection in the television and she adores chasing her brothers around the house like a lunatic.
I know this sounds corny, but I believe that Clancy was sent to me at the stage of my life where I needed her most.
I feel the same way about her big brothers. They are all here for a reason. To drive me mad..... Nah, they are pretty awesome and I love them to bits.
I'm a very lucky Mummy to have my three babies and to witness their little individual personalities shine through every day. It really is the most rewarding, heartbreaking, loving job in the world.
Happy Birthday to my Clancy Therese. I love you so much my sweet little girl. Thank you for coming into my life and letting me love you.
xxxx
My last baby.
I cried.
She giggled.
*sigh*
I found out I was pregnant with Clancy three days after the future ex husband and I separated. Not great timing. It was perfect timing.
I loved being pregnant, it centred me. I had to be strong, not only for my little boys, but for the baby that was growing in my belly. Whenever things got too much for me, I'd put my hand on my swollen tummy and feel her move. I knew then that everything was going to be OK.
The moment my baby girl was born, I felt at peace and stronger, so much stronger then I had been in the years prior. This tiny little baby, who depended on me for everything, gave me so much. When she was 5 weeks old, I reached a turning point in my rocky relationship with the future ex husband where I realised that there was no going back, and only going forward. From that moment on, I was living my life for my three babies and myself. It felt right, and has ever since.
Clancy is a pure delight. Well, she has her terrible toddler moments, of course but honestly, she is just beautiful to be around. She has got her big brothers wrapped around her little finger. Her every wish, is there command. Her personality is a wonderful mixture of sweetness, bossiness, innocence and evil. She loves pretty things like necklaces and shoes. She also loves mud and cars. She loves to dance, while looking at her reflection in the television and she adores chasing her brothers around the house like a lunatic.
I know this sounds corny, but I believe that Clancy was sent to me at the stage of my life where I needed her most.
I feel the same way about her big brothers. They are all here for a reason. To drive me mad..... Nah, they are pretty awesome and I love them to bits.
I'm a very lucky Mummy to have my three babies and to witness their little individual personalities shine through every day. It really is the most rewarding, heartbreaking, loving job in the world.
Happy Birthday to my Clancy Therese. I love you so much my sweet little girl. Thank you for coming into my life and letting me love you.
xxxx
Wednesday 31 August 2011
What do you think?
The old lady across the road died on Friday.
She kept to herself so I didn't know her name. I would wave to her if we were outside at the same time, but that was it.
There would often be someone there picking her up to take her to the Doctor or to the shops, but other then that, she didn't have many visitors.
Once her body was taken away in the early afternoon, cars started arriving. With trailers. And boxes. It is now Wednesday and cars are still coming and going, taking along her belongings. People that I have never seen before.
I don't know.... it just seems in bad taste. I know when my Nanna died, we sorted through her house the day after her funeral because we lived interstate so it had to be done then and there. That seemed too soon but, it had to be done.
But, the same day?!
It seems disrespectful.
Apart from me being the Mrs Mengel of my street, what is your view on it? Do you think it's a bit strange?
She kept to herself so I didn't know her name. I would wave to her if we were outside at the same time, but that was it.
There would often be someone there picking her up to take her to the Doctor or to the shops, but other then that, she didn't have many visitors.
Once her body was taken away in the early afternoon, cars started arriving. With trailers. And boxes. It is now Wednesday and cars are still coming and going, taking along her belongings. People that I have never seen before.
I don't know.... it just seems in bad taste. I know when my Nanna died, we sorted through her house the day after her funeral because we lived interstate so it had to be done then and there. That seemed too soon but, it had to be done.
But, the same day?!
It seems disrespectful.
Apart from me being the Mrs Mengel of my street, what is your view on it? Do you think it's a bit strange?
Monday 29 August 2011
Judgement Day.
I am sick at the moment. Yes, all feel sorry for me, do. I am one of "those" sick people who expects people to feel sorry for her at all times. Anyway, when I'm sick, I tend to lie in bed thinking about various things and trying to fix the World and all of its problems. Don't you? So, my blog today is about *dun dun dun* Mother's judging other Mother's.
I joined my first parenting forum when I was heavily pregnant with Liam, my first. It didn't take long before I started observing how judgemental parents can be of other parents. I was shocked! Almost six years later, I'm still shocked at how nasty and downright rude people can be! Oh and let's not forget higher then thou. Holy crap!
Don't breastfeed? Let me call DOCS.
Gave birth via caesarean? You call yourself a Mother?!
Use disposable nappies? Don't you realise what you are doing to your baby?
Give your kids Nutri Grain for breakfast? Well, say goodbye to their teeth.
You let your kids have lollies? Mine only ever have fresh fruit.
You smack your kids on the bum when they run onto the road in front of a car? Don't you realise what harm you are causing them, they will now grow up to be hardened criminals.
And.... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! *insert shifty eyes here*
Honestly... do you think this kind of judging was around when our parents were raising us? I'm sure that there was some sort of judging going on but not like what is around today.
I don't know why it is worse today, if only I had that answer! I do think that the internet plays a part though and all of those wonderful "studies" that they put out there. There was one I saw recently that if you put your child in a pram that wasn't facing you, you were causing irrevocable damage to your baby for some reason or other.
Where do these people get off??!!! Seriously!!
Oh, I admit, I have judged before. I have judged when I have seen a baby that would of been under 12 months drinking Coke out of a bottle and I have judged when I have seen a woman slap her child on the back of the head for asking for a lolly. I think it is in our human nature to judge others, and there are times when people deserve to be judged, like the two instances above. Of course I've judged when people haven't deserved to be judged as well. I like to think that I don't do that as much now though, thanks to myself being judged and seeing other women on parenting forums be judged and ridiculed for their parenting.
It isn't surprising that post natal depression is more common these days. Parenting forums are wonderful, I have made some awesome friends and have learnt so much from them, but they can also be quite evil. Once you are ganged up on, it can be traumatising,
I don't know what the point of this blog is today. It has been playing on my mind for... oh... six years now. Marti from Brass In My Pocket did an awesome blog about this a little while ago. She says things so much better then me, so go read hers.
Anyway, now I am going to go and lie my poor pneumonia riddled body down and think about what other things are pissing me off on this fine Monday morning.
Have a great day and remember NO judging!
I joined my first parenting forum when I was heavily pregnant with Liam, my first. It didn't take long before I started observing how judgemental parents can be of other parents. I was shocked! Almost six years later, I'm still shocked at how nasty and downright rude people can be! Oh and let's not forget higher then thou. Holy crap!
Don't breastfeed? Let me call DOCS.
Gave birth via caesarean? You call yourself a Mother?!
Use disposable nappies? Don't you realise what you are doing to your baby?
Give your kids Nutri Grain for breakfast? Well, say goodbye to their teeth.
You let your kids have lollies? Mine only ever have fresh fruit.
You smack your kids on the bum when they run onto the road in front of a car? Don't you realise what harm you are causing them, they will now grow up to be hardened criminals.
And.... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! *insert shifty eyes here*
Honestly... do you think this kind of judging was around when our parents were raising us? I'm sure that there was some sort of judging going on but not like what is around today.
I don't know why it is worse today, if only I had that answer! I do think that the internet plays a part though and all of those wonderful "studies" that they put out there. There was one I saw recently that if you put your child in a pram that wasn't facing you, you were causing irrevocable damage to your baby for some reason or other.
Where do these people get off??!!! Seriously!!
Oh, I admit, I have judged before. I have judged when I have seen a baby that would of been under 12 months drinking Coke out of a bottle and I have judged when I have seen a woman slap her child on the back of the head for asking for a lolly. I think it is in our human nature to judge others, and there are times when people deserve to be judged, like the two instances above. Of course I've judged when people haven't deserved to be judged as well. I like to think that I don't do that as much now though, thanks to myself being judged and seeing other women on parenting forums be judged and ridiculed for their parenting.
It isn't surprising that post natal depression is more common these days. Parenting forums are wonderful, I have made some awesome friends and have learnt so much from them, but they can also be quite evil. Once you are ganged up on, it can be traumatising,
I don't know what the point of this blog is today. It has been playing on my mind for... oh... six years now. Marti from Brass In My Pocket did an awesome blog about this a little while ago. She says things so much better then me, so go read hers.
Anyway, now I am going to go and lie my poor pneumonia riddled body down and think about what other things are pissing me off on this fine Monday morning.
Have a great day and remember NO judging!
Monday 22 August 2011
Happy Birthday, Joseph Patrick.
My baby boy turned four today. Four whole years of awesome Joe moments have passed in a blink of an eye.
It doesn't seem that long ago that I was feeling a bit off and wondering if I could possibly be pregnant. Turns out, I was! After a very long nine months, my second child and son was placed in my arms and I instantly fell in love. He had the most amazing hair I have ever seen. It was jet black and had white tips, my little trendsetter, fresh out of the womb! Oh and his eyes... I could of, and still can, stare into them for hours on end. The bluest of blue and full of such meaning!
My JoJoe is a funny little man. He is a thinker, you can almost see his brain working in his precious little head. He has an answer for everything, usually a witty one at that. Quite often he cracks himself up with some funny story that he is telling me, which makes me giggle even more.
My family like to call him the "persecuted" one. He can be very much a middle child at times, often stating in a small amount of words how unloved he is. The world can be a very unfair place for the Joseph Patrick's of this world. You would not believe the sorrow he has to endure!! (Not really, he is very loved).
Joe is my cuddly boy, he absolutely adores his cuddles. He sits on my lap with his "gin gin" (a pink blanket) and caresses his nose and ear with one end while holding the other end in his other hand, with one finger stuck in his mouth. He can sit there for hours, in his own little world, enjoying his quiet time.
The temper that my boy has has to be seen to be believed. He can go from being relatively happy with his lot in life to throwing a screaming, stamping, terrifying tantrum that can last for hours. No tears fall from those blue eyes though and if he gets his own way, he is instantly back to his happy self. I dread to see what he will be like when he is a teenager with the mood swings.... think I might leave home by then!
Liam and Joseph have a wonderful relationship, they are the best of mates. Oh they fight, they fight a lot, but at the end of the day, they are brothers through and through. If one of them is in trouble, the other one sticks up for him.
Clancy and Joe took a while to warm to each other but they are thick as thieves now, although I don't think he'd admit that if you asked! "Yo Yo" can do no wrong in his little Sister's eyes, she loves him to bits.
It is hard to believe that my little boy is now a four year old. I never really understood when friends and family said "it goes so fast" when talking about children growing up, but it really does. I wish I could turn back the clock and make it all go in slow motion so I could savour every moment of my babies being babies.
Happy Birthday my JoJoe. I love you so much, you bring me complete and utter happiness every day.
xxxx
It doesn't seem that long ago that I was feeling a bit off and wondering if I could possibly be pregnant. Turns out, I was! After a very long nine months, my second child and son was placed in my arms and I instantly fell in love. He had the most amazing hair I have ever seen. It was jet black and had white tips, my little trendsetter, fresh out of the womb! Oh and his eyes... I could of, and still can, stare into them for hours on end. The bluest of blue and full of such meaning!
My JoJoe is a funny little man. He is a thinker, you can almost see his brain working in his precious little head. He has an answer for everything, usually a witty one at that. Quite often he cracks himself up with some funny story that he is telling me, which makes me giggle even more.
My family like to call him the "persecuted" one. He can be very much a middle child at times, often stating in a small amount of words how unloved he is. The world can be a very unfair place for the Joseph Patrick's of this world. You would not believe the sorrow he has to endure!! (Not really, he is very loved).
Joe is my cuddly boy, he absolutely adores his cuddles. He sits on my lap with his "gin gin" (a pink blanket) and caresses his nose and ear with one end while holding the other end in his other hand, with one finger stuck in his mouth. He can sit there for hours, in his own little world, enjoying his quiet time.
The temper that my boy has has to be seen to be believed. He can go from being relatively happy with his lot in life to throwing a screaming, stamping, terrifying tantrum that can last for hours. No tears fall from those blue eyes though and if he gets his own way, he is instantly back to his happy self. I dread to see what he will be like when he is a teenager with the mood swings.... think I might leave home by then!
Liam and Joseph have a wonderful relationship, they are the best of mates. Oh they fight, they fight a lot, but at the end of the day, they are brothers through and through. If one of them is in trouble, the other one sticks up for him.
Clancy and Joe took a while to warm to each other but they are thick as thieves now, although I don't think he'd admit that if you asked! "Yo Yo" can do no wrong in his little Sister's eyes, she loves him to bits.
It is hard to believe that my little boy is now a four year old. I never really understood when friends and family said "it goes so fast" when talking about children growing up, but it really does. I wish I could turn back the clock and make it all go in slow motion so I could savour every moment of my babies being babies.
Happy Birthday my JoJoe. I love you so much, you bring me complete and utter happiness every day.
xxxx
Saturday 20 August 2011
Happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs Thomson.
Tomorrow is the first Wedding Anniversary of my cousin Troy, and his bride, Sara.
You know those weddings that you go to and everything is perfect? Everyone is happy, there isn't a hiccup and the food is delicious? This was one of those. I can honestly say it was one of the happiest, most beautiful weddings I have ever been to.
Troy and Sara had a whirlwind romance and are truly each others perfect match. They met in the February, were engaged in the June, and tied the knot in August!
Words can't express how happy I am that they found each other.
Happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs Thomson, you give me hope that there is indeed true love out there. Here is to many more happy years.
xxxx
You know those weddings that you go to and everything is perfect? Everyone is happy, there isn't a hiccup and the food is delicious? This was one of those. I can honestly say it was one of the happiest, most beautiful weddings I have ever been to.
Troy and Sara had a whirlwind romance and are truly each others perfect match. They met in the February, were engaged in the June, and tied the knot in August!
Words can't express how happy I am that they found each other.
Happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs Thomson, you give me hope that there is indeed true love out there. Here is to many more happy years.
xxxx
Bit of this, bit of that.
My babies all slept in past 8am this morning! This is unheard of in my little family so I was very impressed. I lay in my bed for a while savouring the peace and quiet and thinking about random things. I got to thinking about scars somehow, don't ask me how, because I don't know.
How many scars do you have? I only have a few.
I have one on my left wrist where my darling brother burnt me with a cigarette. It is a perfect circle. Whenever I see it, I am immediately transported to the day it happened. It was a great day, apart from the cigarette burn of course.
I also have one on my right wrist from Grade 7 camp. Me being me, tripped over a log and fell flat on my face. I also used to have a scar on my right leg from the same incident but it has disappeared. Again, whenever I spot the scar, I am transported back to that day.
My favourite scar of all time is my caesarean scar. It has been opened three times to bring my babies into the world and to introduce me to the awe of Motherhood. The scar has caused me a few problems here and there but I forgive it every time for what it represents. Whenever it tingles, I instantly hear the noises and see the theatre of the days that my babies arrived here on Earth. Amazing.
I also have a few emotional scars on my poor old heart. Most have faded and I can only see them if I am lying in bed at night, feeling alone. It won't be long though until they have disappeared for good. I have scars on my heart for family members who are lost to me forever and scars for my beautiful friends who have suffered unimaginable loss. They will always be there.
Moving on.
Joe is having his 4th Birthday party tomorrow. I am sick of course, and he is a bit under the weather as well. Doesn't matter though because we are going to have F.U.N!! I am known for my over catering for the kids parties, and have quite a reputation for the amount of lollies I buy. I am happy to say that I have not disappointed again this year. I'm sure tomorrow night, I will be cursing the lollies and the effect they have on my children, and I will be getting cursed by the other parents at the party as well no doubt. *giggles* I have so much to do today but all I want to do is curl up and sleep. The 473ml of Red Bull that I have just now consumed hasn't kicked in yet and I am wondering if it will. Let's hope so! Aunty Mo is making Joe a race track cake, I can't wait to see it!!
Only two more sleeps until my baby boy is 4, it is hard to believe!
Clancy has been my latest talker but she is sure making up for it now!! I love the way she says "Mummy", it is sort of like "Mmmmuuuuummmmaaaaaaayyyy" hehehe. Cute! She is starting to use a few small sentences now, usually telling off one of her slaves. I can't believe she is almost two, it only seems like yesterday that I was standing in the Doctor's Surgery in shock staring at the positive pregnancy test.
Liam "loved" his very first disco! He spent about 3 minutes on the dance floor, clinging to me and one of his Teacher's the whole time but he loved the canteen! I think his money was burning a whole in his new wallet, the amount of times he went up there and came back remarking that "they gave me back more money"!!
OK, I've rambled on enough now, sorry about that!
How many scars do you have? I only have a few.
I have one on my left wrist where my darling brother burnt me with a cigarette. It is a perfect circle. Whenever I see it, I am immediately transported to the day it happened. It was a great day, apart from the cigarette burn of course.
I also have one on my right wrist from Grade 7 camp. Me being me, tripped over a log and fell flat on my face. I also used to have a scar on my right leg from the same incident but it has disappeared. Again, whenever I spot the scar, I am transported back to that day.
My favourite scar of all time is my caesarean scar. It has been opened three times to bring my babies into the world and to introduce me to the awe of Motherhood. The scar has caused me a few problems here and there but I forgive it every time for what it represents. Whenever it tingles, I instantly hear the noises and see the theatre of the days that my babies arrived here on Earth. Amazing.
I also have a few emotional scars on my poor old heart. Most have faded and I can only see them if I am lying in bed at night, feeling alone. It won't be long though until they have disappeared for good. I have scars on my heart for family members who are lost to me forever and scars for my beautiful friends who have suffered unimaginable loss. They will always be there.
Moving on.
Joe is having his 4th Birthday party tomorrow. I am sick of course, and he is a bit under the weather as well. Doesn't matter though because we are going to have F.U.N!! I am known for my over catering for the kids parties, and have quite a reputation for the amount of lollies I buy. I am happy to say that I have not disappointed again this year. I'm sure tomorrow night, I will be cursing the lollies and the effect they have on my children, and I will be getting cursed by the other parents at the party as well no doubt. *giggles* I have so much to do today but all I want to do is curl up and sleep. The 473ml of Red Bull that I have just now consumed hasn't kicked in yet and I am wondering if it will. Let's hope so! Aunty Mo is making Joe a race track cake, I can't wait to see it!!
Only two more sleeps until my baby boy is 4, it is hard to believe!
Clancy has been my latest talker but she is sure making up for it now!! I love the way she says "Mummy", it is sort of like "Mmmmuuuuummmmaaaaaaayyyy" hehehe. Cute! She is starting to use a few small sentences now, usually telling off one of her slaves. I can't believe she is almost two, it only seems like yesterday that I was standing in the Doctor's Surgery in shock staring at the positive pregnancy test.
Liam "loved" his very first disco! He spent about 3 minutes on the dance floor, clinging to me and one of his Teacher's the whole time but he loved the canteen! I think his money was burning a whole in his new wallet, the amount of times he went up there and came back remarking that "they gave me back more money"!!
OK, I've rambled on enough now, sorry about that!
Wednesday 17 August 2011
Dance the night away.
Liam is attending his very first disco on Friday. I can't believe that my first baby is old enough to go to one! Granted, it runs from 5.30pm - 7pm but still! My bbbaaabbbyyy!! At the grand old age of "almost six", I am letting him go out at night alone!!
This seems like a special occasion to me so today I went shopping, as you do. Liam is now the proud owner of his very first velcro wallet, a snazzy pair of black gym shoes and a new Ben 10 shirt. Can I just say, I am extremely popular right now, especially because of the shoes... that's my boy!
I have asked him if he is going to dance and he informed me that he will just be eating lollies and chips and drinking soft drink. Poppy has been told a different story however. He is apparently going to dance with A GIRL!!! *sob sob* He has a bit of a soft spot for a certain little girl in his class so I am wondering if it is her. I asked, and he giggled... and I melted. Aw, why do our babies have to grow up so fast?!
I will keep you all posted on how I, I mean he, goes.
This seems like a special occasion to me so today I went shopping, as you do. Liam is now the proud owner of his very first velcro wallet, a snazzy pair of black gym shoes and a new Ben 10 shirt. Can I just say, I am extremely popular right now, especially because of the shoes... that's my boy!
I have asked him if he is going to dance and he informed me that he will just be eating lollies and chips and drinking soft drink. Poppy has been told a different story however. He is apparently going to dance with A GIRL!!! *sob sob* He has a bit of a soft spot for a certain little girl in his class so I am wondering if it is her. I asked, and he giggled... and I melted. Aw, why do our babies have to grow up so fast?!
I will keep you all posted on how I, I mean he, goes.
Saturday 13 August 2011
Reality Check.
I have spent most of the last 24 hours struggling with being a Mother. My three children have been pressing my buttons, and not the good ones. At one stage, I felt like running out the door and not coming home for a few days.
My feelings changed tonight though when I heard the news about Daniel Morcombe. Finally, after almost eight heartbreaking years, the Police have got their man.
For eight years, Denise and Bruce Morcombe, along with their two remaining sons, have longed to hear Daniel scream "no", or to shrug his shoulders when asked a question. They have longed for him to mumble under his breath and storm to his room, or for him to leave his dirty dishes on the lounge room floor.
Daniel has been gone for eight years. Eight years of no cuddles, no kisses, no "I love you Mum and Dad"... nothing.
So, tonight, I am extremely aware of how lucky I am to be a Mummy to three beautiful, spirited, happy and healthy babies who I love with all my heart, and who are safe and sound, tucked up in their beds.
The Morcombe family are forever in my thoughts. I only wish I could hold them in my arms tonight and over the coming days, weeks and months.
Rest In Peace Daniel, you are loved by so many.
My feelings changed tonight though when I heard the news about Daniel Morcombe. Finally, after almost eight heartbreaking years, the Police have got their man.
For eight years, Denise and Bruce Morcombe, along with their two remaining sons, have longed to hear Daniel scream "no", or to shrug his shoulders when asked a question. They have longed for him to mumble under his breath and storm to his room, or for him to leave his dirty dishes on the lounge room floor.
Daniel has been gone for eight years. Eight years of no cuddles, no kisses, no "I love you Mum and Dad"... nothing.
So, tonight, I am extremely aware of how lucky I am to be a Mummy to three beautiful, spirited, happy and healthy babies who I love with all my heart, and who are safe and sound, tucked up in their beds.
The Morcombe family are forever in my thoughts. I only wish I could hold them in my arms tonight and over the coming days, weeks and months.
Rest In Peace Daniel, you are loved by so many.
Wednesday 10 August 2011
My Fantasy World.
I have just arrived home from my third outing to Chicks At The Flicks and can now officially say I'm hooked! Tonight we saw Friends With Benefits and have to admit that I now find Justin Timberlake rather attractive. Yes..... I know.
Anyway, moving right along.
If you haven't been to a CATF before, it is a great chance to have a giggle and maybe a cry with your girlfriends. Not only do you get to see a movie, but you also get a goodie bag filled with, well, goodies! I very sadly handed over my Lindt chocolate to Dad tonight because my fat arse doesn't need anymore Lindt chocolate. Before you enter the cinema, you can have a walk around the foyer and sample a chocolate fondue fountain along with various business displaying their things. They also run a few comps just before the movie starts so it is well worth the $21!!
For me, it is a great chance to get out of the house, catch up with some friends, and have some time to live in a fantasy world. There is no "Guilty Mummy" syndrome in the cinema. I don't have to worry about Liam's eyesight or what he is getting for lunch the next day. I don't have to wonder if Joseph is going to cling himself to me like a koala at daycare drop off in the morning, or if I poured his milk on his cereal properly. Clancy's obsession with not letting me sit at the computer, or the fact that her latest word is "Daddy", when she doesn't know what one is, isn't upsetting me. I can just..... be. I don't have to wonder when I am going to do the housework and why I can't get motivated to do my TAFE course. Instead, I can dream about MY knight in shining armour coming to whisk me away where we will live happily ever after... just him and me, with the kids, a kitten and a puppy.
*sigh*
In saying all of that, I wouldn't swap my life for anything, no matter how nice my fantasy world is. It is my life after all, and I have the three most perfect reasons to love it.
But, seriously, check out Justin Timberlake's abs in this movie... you won't regret it!
Anyway, moving right along.
If you haven't been to a CATF before, it is a great chance to have a giggle and maybe a cry with your girlfriends. Not only do you get to see a movie, but you also get a goodie bag filled with, well, goodies! I very sadly handed over my Lindt chocolate to Dad tonight because my fat arse doesn't need anymore Lindt chocolate. Before you enter the cinema, you can have a walk around the foyer and sample a chocolate fondue fountain along with various business displaying their things. They also run a few comps just before the movie starts so it is well worth the $21!!
For me, it is a great chance to get out of the house, catch up with some friends, and have some time to live in a fantasy world. There is no "Guilty Mummy" syndrome in the cinema. I don't have to worry about Liam's eyesight or what he is getting for lunch the next day. I don't have to wonder if Joseph is going to cling himself to me like a koala at daycare drop off in the morning, or if I poured his milk on his cereal properly. Clancy's obsession with not letting me sit at the computer, or the fact that her latest word is "Daddy", when she doesn't know what one is, isn't upsetting me. I can just..... be. I don't have to wonder when I am going to do the housework and why I can't get motivated to do my TAFE course. Instead, I can dream about MY knight in shining armour coming to whisk me away where we will live happily ever after... just him and me, with the kids, a kitten and a puppy.
*sigh*
In saying all of that, I wouldn't swap my life for anything, no matter how nice my fantasy world is. It is my life after all, and I have the three most perfect reasons to love it.
But, seriously, check out Justin Timberlake's abs in this movie... you won't regret it!
Tuesday 9 August 2011
Monday 8 August 2011
I want to stamp my feet.
I am not very good at designing things, especially this blog.
I just spent an hour trying to make my blog more pretty and it didn't work, it failed!!!
WAH!
However, if you want to check out a stylish, pretty blog, check out Marti's blog at Brass In My Pocket, hers is so much more cooler then mine.
Thank you, that is all.
I just spent an hour trying to make my blog more pretty and it didn't work, it failed!!!
WAH!
However, if you want to check out a stylish, pretty blog, check out Marti's blog at Brass In My Pocket, hers is so much more cooler then mine.
Thank you, that is all.
Sunday 7 August 2011
I turned 32 yesterday.
As I get older, I am starting to realise that Birthday's aren't as special anymore. Friends and family have their own problems and their own lives to live and sometimes people forget, or don't have the time, to wish you a happy day. I love Birthday's, mine and other peoples. I love to spoil, and I love getting spoilt!
I woke up yesterday morning not expecting much fanfare. With my eldest child not quite six, I wasn't expecting much attention from my babies. I informed them it was my Birthday, and was rewarded with a cuddle from Liam, a kiss from Joseph and Clancy called me "Mummy" for the very first time, after calling me "Mum-Mum" and "Mem" for months. They then demanded breakfast and wondered where my cake was! Bless them! The little cherubs also gave me a beautiful ring from The Silver Shop. They have exquisite taste, I must say. Well, alright, I went and got it myself a couple of weeks ago and made Mum hide it until my Birthday. Oh, alright, I wore it out for my dinner and drinks last weekend THEN I made her hide it. I was also given my very first "Happy Birthday Mummy" card that I didn't have to pick out myself, or leave very heavy hints for. Perfect.
Mum cooked me French toast for breakfast and gave me a beautiful card with a lotto ticket inside. Then it was time for lunch at Aunty Rob's where we had my all time favourite meal, roast beef and yorkshire pudding with all the trimmings! Weight Watchers, what Weight Watchers?! Dessert followed, which was Strawberry Romanoff. We all remarked that I had the exact same birthday meal six years earlier, when I was heavily pregnant with Liam!
I was then roped in to going to a trivia night with Dad and Aunty Robyn, where we tied to come first WOO HOO!! I'm still kicking myself that I didn't know the Adele question though... after raving about her for weeks, you'd think I'd know what her albums were called!
The final thing that made my day and the most overwhelming, was the many Birthday wishes that I received on Facebook. People tease me and shake their head at the amount of time that I spend on Facebook and wonder why I rave about my "Facebook friends" but yesterday proved to me why I love it so much. Friends that I have never met in person, and probably never will, took the time to wish me a wonderful day. People that I have not seen for years told me that they were thinking about me. People left comments for me that made me realise that they do think of me. Every single post from every single person, touched my heart in a way that I cannot describe.
I went to bed last night feeling very loved, and not feeling any older then the day before.
Now excuse me while I go off to admire my new bling (I will post a pic tomorrow).
As I get older, I am starting to realise that Birthday's aren't as special anymore. Friends and family have their own problems and their own lives to live and sometimes people forget, or don't have the time, to wish you a happy day. I love Birthday's, mine and other peoples. I love to spoil, and I love getting spoilt!
I woke up yesterday morning not expecting much fanfare. With my eldest child not quite six, I wasn't expecting much attention from my babies. I informed them it was my Birthday, and was rewarded with a cuddle from Liam, a kiss from Joseph and Clancy called me "Mummy" for the very first time, after calling me "Mum-Mum" and "Mem" for months. They then demanded breakfast and wondered where my cake was! Bless them! The little cherubs also gave me a beautiful ring from The Silver Shop. They have exquisite taste, I must say. Well, alright, I went and got it myself a couple of weeks ago and made Mum hide it until my Birthday. Oh, alright, I wore it out for my dinner and drinks last weekend THEN I made her hide it. I was also given my very first "Happy Birthday Mummy" card that I didn't have to pick out myself, or leave very heavy hints for. Perfect.
Mum cooked me French toast for breakfast and gave me a beautiful card with a lotto ticket inside. Then it was time for lunch at Aunty Rob's where we had my all time favourite meal, roast beef and yorkshire pudding with all the trimmings! Weight Watchers, what Weight Watchers?! Dessert followed, which was Strawberry Romanoff. We all remarked that I had the exact same birthday meal six years earlier, when I was heavily pregnant with Liam!
I was then roped in to going to a trivia night with Dad and Aunty Robyn, where we tied to come first WOO HOO!! I'm still kicking myself that I didn't know the Adele question though... after raving about her for weeks, you'd think I'd know what her albums were called!
The final thing that made my day and the most overwhelming, was the many Birthday wishes that I received on Facebook. People tease me and shake their head at the amount of time that I spend on Facebook and wonder why I rave about my "Facebook friends" but yesterday proved to me why I love it so much. Friends that I have never met in person, and probably never will, took the time to wish me a wonderful day. People that I have not seen for years told me that they were thinking about me. People left comments for me that made me realise that they do think of me. Every single post from every single person, touched my heart in a way that I cannot describe.
I went to bed last night feeling very loved, and not feeling any older then the day before.
Now excuse me while I go off to admire my new bling (I will post a pic tomorrow).
Friday 5 August 2011
What now?
My baby girl will be 23 months on Sunday. A month off two. She is already a toddler, sometimes terrible, sometimes heart achingly cute.
She is my last baby, unless I meet someone in the next three years who wants to procreate with me. Not liking my chances with that one though!
I remember after I got married and I had the two boys, I thought "what now"? What was going to happen in my life now? I was married, I had my babies and we even had a house to call our own. What could possibly happen next?
Shit loads evidently. A separation, only to find out a week later that I was pregnant! Now I am getting ready to file for divorce and my surprise pregnancy is running around saying "mine", "no" and "cuggles". I no longer own a home and live at with my Mum in her home.
It goes to show that you never know what is in store for you. I obviously never envisaged a divorce in my future, but I'm glad now that there is one. I always hoped to have another baby after the boys, so that was a wonderful surprise and she is a true blessing. When I was in my early 20s, I never saw myself owning a home, or wanting to own one. Now, I ache for a place for the kids and I to call our own.
It is my birthday tomorrow and tonight I have been reflecting on my life so far.
I've had some wonderful ups and some terrible downs and I am now ready to face the future and whatever it may bring.
Future, if you are reading this, I would like a hunky man and lots of money.
Happy 23 Months to my Clancy Pants for Sunday. I hope the next month goes very slow xxxx
She is my last baby, unless I meet someone in the next three years who wants to procreate with me. Not liking my chances with that one though!
I remember after I got married and I had the two boys, I thought "what now"? What was going to happen in my life now? I was married, I had my babies and we even had a house to call our own. What could possibly happen next?
Shit loads evidently. A separation, only to find out a week later that I was pregnant! Now I am getting ready to file for divorce and my surprise pregnancy is running around saying "mine", "no" and "cuggles". I no longer own a home and live at with my Mum in her home.
It goes to show that you never know what is in store for you. I obviously never envisaged a divorce in my future, but I'm glad now that there is one. I always hoped to have another baby after the boys, so that was a wonderful surprise and she is a true blessing. When I was in my early 20s, I never saw myself owning a home, or wanting to own one. Now, I ache for a place for the kids and I to call our own.
It is my birthday tomorrow and tonight I have been reflecting on my life so far.
I've had some wonderful ups and some terrible downs and I am now ready to face the future and whatever it may bring.
Future, if you are reading this, I would like a hunky man and lots of money.
Happy 23 Months to my Clancy Pants for Sunday. I hope the next month goes very slow xxxx
Wednesday 3 August 2011
Little Miss Organised.
Yesterday, I visited Office Works. What is it about stationery that makes me all gooey inside? I know I'm not the only one, many of my family and friend have admitted to many wonderful hours browsing stationery stores.
I always enjoyed playing "office" when I was growing up, and love working in an office environment. Dunno why really, I just do.
Anyway, I walked out of Office Works just under $100 poorer but oh so happy. It doesn't take much to make me smile!
So, this afternoon was spent getting my filing system better organised and finding receipts for next years tax, bills to pay and the kids birth certificates. I also have a lovely little document envelope that I have written "DIVORCE" on. Not that I'm excited or anything.
I am now all organised for my studies and have no excuse to not keep my filing in order.
I wonder how long it will last?
I give myself a week, maybe two.
I always enjoyed playing "office" when I was growing up, and love working in an office environment. Dunno why really, I just do.
Anyway, I walked out of Office Works just under $100 poorer but oh so happy. It doesn't take much to make me smile!
So, this afternoon was spent getting my filing system better organised and finding receipts for next years tax, bills to pay and the kids birth certificates. I also have a lovely little document envelope that I have written "DIVORCE" on. Not that I'm excited or anything.
I am now all organised for my studies and have no excuse to not keep my filing in order.
I wonder how long it will last?
I give myself a week, maybe two.
Tuesday 2 August 2011
No Talent Quest for me!
Remember in school when we used to have to think about ourselves and what we were good at and stuff?
I never knew what to put.
I can't cook.
I can't sew.
I am hopeless at sports.
You get my drift!!
Even now, at almost 32 years of age, I don't know what to answer when someone asks me that question.
I'm good at procastinating and avoiding housework, but people don't really want to know that!
I can type, but that is more of a skill then a talent.
I enjoy writing, which is why I started this blog, but I wouldn't say I am exactly talented at it.
I am very good at getting my heart broken.
I am exceptionally good at gaining weight.
It makes me wonder though if everyone is good at something, or if there are other people out there like me who are talentless?
What's your talent?
I never knew what to put.
I can't cook.
I can't sew.
I am hopeless at sports.
You get my drift!!
Even now, at almost 32 years of age, I don't know what to answer when someone asks me that question.
I'm good at procastinating and avoiding housework, but people don't really want to know that!
I can type, but that is more of a skill then a talent.
I enjoy writing, which is why I started this blog, but I wouldn't say I am exactly talented at it.
I am very good at getting my heart broken.
I am exceptionally good at gaining weight.
It makes me wonder though if everyone is good at something, or if there are other people out there like me who are talentless?
What's your talent?
Monday 1 August 2011
These boots were made for walking.
I'm a country girl.... some may even call me a redneck, but I don't care. Love the bush, love country music and I lllloovveee country boys!
I have owned riding boots since I was about 15. I've been through a few since then thanks to wear and tear, and a close encounter with a campfire!
My current boots, I have had since 2004. They've been to a few B&S balls, some rodeos, plenty of ute shows and they were with me through three pregnancies, a marriage and a separation.
I don't think they are going to make the divorce though. They have had it, much like my marriage.
For the last three years, I've been saying that I should take them to be resoled. It's now past that stage. They are well and truly stuffed. You can see my toes through one boot and the sole of my foot, or my sock, through the other one.
I just can't bear to throw them out. They are so comfy and they are very practical and I just love them. I am wearing them right now, for the last time.
Is there anything in your wardrobe that you can't part with?
I have owned riding boots since I was about 15. I've been through a few since then thanks to wear and tear, and a close encounter with a campfire!
My current boots, I have had since 2004. They've been to a few B&S balls, some rodeos, plenty of ute shows and they were with me through three pregnancies, a marriage and a separation.
I don't think they are going to make the divorce though. They have had it, much like my marriage.
For the last three years, I've been saying that I should take them to be resoled. It's now past that stage. They are well and truly stuffed. You can see my toes through one boot and the sole of my foot, or my sock, through the other one.
I just can't bear to throw them out. They are so comfy and they are very practical and I just love them. I am wearing them right now, for the last time.
Is there anything in your wardrobe that you can't part with?
Sunday 31 July 2011
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a great time last night, on my night out on the town. We talked, giggled and drank. I felt a bit old in the pub though, I don't think I will meet my Mr. Right there!
I have a terrible habit of drunk texting. I thought I was pretty good last night and only texted two friends telling them that I was drunk and that I was having a cigarette (very naughty of me)! That was until I got in the taxi to come home. I was suddenly by myself and very angry at the world. I'm usually a happy drunk so not sure what was going on inside my little head but I took it upon myself to send the ex a text message. I won't go into what I said, but it was the truth, and something that I had wanted to say to him for a while. I shouldn't of done it and I woke up this morning with HUGE regret. I sent a communal text to a few people apologising for my behaviour and left it at that.
Of course, the ex couldn't leave it at that though and sent me a text back telling me to "grow up" and a few other things. Deary, deary me. I haven't and won't reply back.
Next time I drink, I have given strict instructions to the people around me that they must confiscate my phone and not give it back to me until I am sober.
Life was a lot easier before mobile phones!
Are you a drunk texter like me?
I have a terrible habit of drunk texting. I thought I was pretty good last night and only texted two friends telling them that I was drunk and that I was having a cigarette (very naughty of me)! That was until I got in the taxi to come home. I was suddenly by myself and very angry at the world. I'm usually a happy drunk so not sure what was going on inside my little head but I took it upon myself to send the ex a text message. I won't go into what I said, but it was the truth, and something that I had wanted to say to him for a while. I shouldn't of done it and I woke up this morning with HUGE regret. I sent a communal text to a few people apologising for my behaviour and left it at that.
Of course, the ex couldn't leave it at that though and sent me a text back telling me to "grow up" and a few other things. Deary, deary me. I haven't and won't reply back.
Next time I drink, I have given strict instructions to the people around me that they must confiscate my phone and not give it back to me until I am sober.
Life was a lot easier before mobile phones!
Are you a drunk texter like me?
Saturday 30 July 2011
Girls Night Out.
I'm heading out tonight for early Birthday dinner and drinks and I can't wait! The wine is chilling in the fridge, I've painted my toenails and I will go and shave my legs shortly. I'm going all out people, all out!
I am very lucky to have an in house babysitter, in the form of my Mother. I don't like my chances of a sleep in tomorrow much, unless I persuade the kids to snuggle up with me and watch Dora The Bloody Explorer!
What are your plans for tonight? My usual Saturday night is watching Funniest Home Videos, Kingdom and New Tricks. Gosh, I hope I don't miss out on anything!
Have a great night, whatever it is you do xx
I am very lucky to have an in house babysitter, in the form of my Mother. I don't like my chances of a sleep in tomorrow much, unless I persuade the kids to snuggle up with me and watch Dora The Bloody Explorer!
What are your plans for tonight? My usual Saturday night is watching Funniest Home Videos, Kingdom and New Tricks. Gosh, I hope I don't miss out on anything!
Have a great night, whatever it is you do xx
Thursday 28 July 2011
Welcome to the family, Larry.
Larry joined our family today. Who is Larry you ask? Larry.... is my laptop. My very first. I am in love. Pure, unadulterated love. Larry is a Toshiba and he is a very shiny white. I can't stop playing with him. I can see this becoming addictive. He smells so new and his keys are as smooth as the bum of a baby. I won't take his plastic off his screen yet. I want to protect him for as long as I can. Oh Larry... you complete me.
In other news, I joined Weight Watchers today. Larry deserves a slimmer owner. It is 9.55pm and I am STARVING! I still have 6 points left but the icecream screaming out my name from the freezer would be more then that. I have already had one Nestle creme caramel for a snack. Why does fat have to be unhealthy? Can't it be the new cool? I would be sssoooo in right now.
Did I tell you that I am going out for dinner and drinks on Saturday night? Yes, that will go well with Weight Watchers, I'm sure. I have not been out drinking since 2003, before I met my future ex husband. Goodness, I wonder if it is still cool to dance on the stage at Fibbers? Guess I'm about to find out!
Larry and I are off to bed now, to join our other love.... Facebook.
In other news, I joined Weight Watchers today. Larry deserves a slimmer owner. It is 9.55pm and I am STARVING! I still have 6 points left but the icecream screaming out my name from the freezer would be more then that. I have already had one Nestle creme caramel for a snack. Why does fat have to be unhealthy? Can't it be the new cool? I would be sssoooo in right now.
Did I tell you that I am going out for dinner and drinks on Saturday night? Yes, that will go well with Weight Watchers, I'm sure. I have not been out drinking since 2003, before I met my future ex husband. Goodness, I wonder if it is still cool to dance on the stage at Fibbers? Guess I'm about to find out!
Larry and I are off to bed now, to join our other love.... Facebook.
Wednesday 27 July 2011
Oh Happy Days.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 18. Fun age to be depressed huh?! When I look back, I think I was before then, but everyone, including myself, put it down to teenage angst. I first went on tablets at 18 but I never took them, I don't know why. They interfered with my drinking perhaps?!
I was on and off tablets after that until I fell pregnant with Liam, in 2005. The night I had Liam, I felt a terrible wave of fear, helplessness and despair wash over me. He was lying next to me in the hospital bed and I was trying attempt number 2000000 to breastfeed the poor little man. He was obviously frustrated and hungry, and I was just frustrated and I rose my fist and shook at him. Can you believe I did that? Not even a day old and I was already a raving lunatic. Poor little boy. I didn't do anything, I think it was just an outlet, but it makes me sick to the stomach to even think about it. I woke up the next morning crying and told myself it was the "baby blues" that I had heard so much about. My boobs were sore, I was hooked up to a drip, and I was 12 hours out from having an emergency caesarean. Who wouldn't cry?! Things didn't improve much once we got home either and it wasn't long before I was on tablets again. I stayed on them until I fell pregnant with Joseph, then was straight back on them after he was born.
My depression varies. Sometimes, I am a neurotic mess, wanting to pull my hair out and forever screaming at the kids, then running to my room and crying. Other times, I just want to be held and told that I'm loved. I'm either cranky, or good old "down in the dumps". There are times that I just want to be left alone. I won't answer the phone, I don't make arrangements to catch up with anyone and I stay indoors. It doesn't take much to trigger my depression. It could be as little as someone scowling at me in the shopping centre, or watching a movie. I can get myself out of it sometimes with a good, stern talking to. Other times, it takes a bit more then that. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful GP, who keeps me on the straight and narrow. I see him once a month to discuss my medication, and my moods. I also see a psychologist, although I have recently stopped seeing him and am hoping to get in to see a new one. If I ever pick up the phone!
My depression has been managed with tablets constantly since before Clancy came along. I did want to stop the tablets while I was pregnant, but my GP and Obstetrician monitored me, and lowered my dose each trimester. If I forget to take my tablets one day, you can guarantee that one to two days later, I am the above mentioned crazy lady.
I wish that I didn't have depression, but it is something that I have accepted that I have, and probably always will. I'm not ashamed to admit it to anyone, if the ask, I tell them.
Please, if you think that you or a friend may be depressed, seek help. If you aren't comfortable talking to someone in person, call Lifeline. Many people don't need to take medication for depression, many people don't even need to see someone about it, it can just be monitored and controlled with a few simple tips.
Take care of yourselves, and try and smile at least once a day. It is hard, I know, but it is worth it!
Lots of love always xxxx
I was on and off tablets after that until I fell pregnant with Liam, in 2005. The night I had Liam, I felt a terrible wave of fear, helplessness and despair wash over me. He was lying next to me in the hospital bed and I was trying attempt number 2000000 to breastfeed the poor little man. He was obviously frustrated and hungry, and I was just frustrated and I rose my fist and shook at him. Can you believe I did that? Not even a day old and I was already a raving lunatic. Poor little boy. I didn't do anything, I think it was just an outlet, but it makes me sick to the stomach to even think about it. I woke up the next morning crying and told myself it was the "baby blues" that I had heard so much about. My boobs were sore, I was hooked up to a drip, and I was 12 hours out from having an emergency caesarean. Who wouldn't cry?! Things didn't improve much once we got home either and it wasn't long before I was on tablets again. I stayed on them until I fell pregnant with Joseph, then was straight back on them after he was born.
My depression varies. Sometimes, I am a neurotic mess, wanting to pull my hair out and forever screaming at the kids, then running to my room and crying. Other times, I just want to be held and told that I'm loved. I'm either cranky, or good old "down in the dumps". There are times that I just want to be left alone. I won't answer the phone, I don't make arrangements to catch up with anyone and I stay indoors. It doesn't take much to trigger my depression. It could be as little as someone scowling at me in the shopping centre, or watching a movie. I can get myself out of it sometimes with a good, stern talking to. Other times, it takes a bit more then that. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful GP, who keeps me on the straight and narrow. I see him once a month to discuss my medication, and my moods. I also see a psychologist, although I have recently stopped seeing him and am hoping to get in to see a new one. If I ever pick up the phone!
My depression has been managed with tablets constantly since before Clancy came along. I did want to stop the tablets while I was pregnant, but my GP and Obstetrician monitored me, and lowered my dose each trimester. If I forget to take my tablets one day, you can guarantee that one to two days later, I am the above mentioned crazy lady.
I wish that I didn't have depression, but it is something that I have accepted that I have, and probably always will. I'm not ashamed to admit it to anyone, if the ask, I tell them.
Please, if you think that you or a friend may be depressed, seek help. If you aren't comfortable talking to someone in person, call Lifeline. Many people don't need to take medication for depression, many people don't even need to see someone about it, it can just be monitored and controlled with a few simple tips.
Take care of yourselves, and try and smile at least once a day. It is hard, I know, but it is worth it!
Lots of love always xxxx
Monday 25 July 2011
Money, money, money.
Tomorrow, Centrelink are paying me a nice sum of money thanks to me over estimating on FTB. This is the only way I can save money. When I was working, I also paid extra tax because I am hopeless. If I find $2, I have to spend it. It is like it is burning a hole in my pocket, or my pretty pink purse. I don't usually buy stuff for myself, usually it is for the kids. But I like to spend.
Serious Meredith is saying to me "Now, Meredith, listen to me. Listen to me Meredith. *shakes head* When this money hits your account, the first thing you must do is pay some bills young lady. I will write out a list for you, so you know how much to pay who. Then you can head down to school and daycare and pay some fees in advance. Don't look at me like that!! Then you can book your holiday that you are taking the kids and Mum on. After that, you can head down to Big W and K Mart and put some money on those ridiculous lay bys. I don't know why you insist on buying the kids so many toys for Christmas, it is beyond me. While you are at the shops, you may as well get the groceries. If there is anything left, I will allow you to buy yourself a Boost smoothie for being such a good girl. Only a small one mind you.
Fun Meredith is saying to me "OMG Merry, OMG OMG OMG!! We are going to have SO much fun with this money! Now, what you need to do is get Liam off to school then take the other two shopping! WOO HOO!! Get yourself a new outfit for the girls night out on Saturday night. While you're at it, get yourself some new shoes and a handbag as well! Book into a hair salon and get your hair done nice for Saturday night as well. You deserve it! Now, the kids will be whinging by now, so buy them some toys because they hardly have any, then shout yourselves to something naughty for lunch, hell, even have dessert! Oooohhhh, then you can book that awesome holiday that you and the kids are taking Mum on and book Mum in for a massage and facial while you're at it! Then, on Wednesday, shout the whole family out to lunch at Fibbers for Rump Wednesday. After that, you can go and buy all the kids birthday presents, then you better put some money on the lay by's I guess, to keep boring Meredith happy. Hmmm... what else, what else? Oooh you can take Sylvia, your beloved car, through the carwash and book her in for a detail after her service on Friday. Oh there is so much more we could do Merry *happy dance happy dance*.
What am I to do? Listen to Serious Meredith or Fun Meredith? A mixture of both perhaps? No use telling me to save some for a rainy day because that just isn't going to happen.
What are you like with money? Are you a fantastic budgeter or are you like me and.... not?
Serious Meredith is saying to me "Now, Meredith, listen to me. Listen to me Meredith. *shakes head* When this money hits your account, the first thing you must do is pay some bills young lady. I will write out a list for you, so you know how much to pay who. Then you can head down to school and daycare and pay some fees in advance. Don't look at me like that!! Then you can book your holiday that you are taking the kids and Mum on. After that, you can head down to Big W and K Mart and put some money on those ridiculous lay bys. I don't know why you insist on buying the kids so many toys for Christmas, it is beyond me. While you are at the shops, you may as well get the groceries. If there is anything left, I will allow you to buy yourself a Boost smoothie for being such a good girl. Only a small one mind you.
Fun Meredith is saying to me "OMG Merry, OMG OMG OMG!! We are going to have SO much fun with this money! Now, what you need to do is get Liam off to school then take the other two shopping! WOO HOO!! Get yourself a new outfit for the girls night out on Saturday night. While you're at it, get yourself some new shoes and a handbag as well! Book into a hair salon and get your hair done nice for Saturday night as well. You deserve it! Now, the kids will be whinging by now, so buy them some toys because they hardly have any, then shout yourselves to something naughty for lunch, hell, even have dessert! Oooohhhh, then you can book that awesome holiday that you and the kids are taking Mum on and book Mum in for a massage and facial while you're at it! Then, on Wednesday, shout the whole family out to lunch at Fibbers for Rump Wednesday. After that, you can go and buy all the kids birthday presents, then you better put some money on the lay by's I guess, to keep boring Meredith happy. Hmmm... what else, what else? Oooh you can take Sylvia, your beloved car, through the carwash and book her in for a detail after her service on Friday. Oh there is so much more we could do Merry *happy dance happy dance*.
What am I to do? Listen to Serious Meredith or Fun Meredith? A mixture of both perhaps? No use telling me to save some for a rainy day because that just isn't going to happen.
What are you like with money? Are you a fantastic budgeter or are you like me and.... not?
Saturday 23 July 2011
A blog about nothing.
Aaahhh... the weekend has arrived!
It is a beautiful, sunny day here in Toowoomba. A day that should be spent outside with the children.
Will that really happen though? Hmm.. probably not. The kids will scream and carry on when I turn off Dora The Bloody Explorer and invite them to play outside. They will eventually go out though, for about 5 minutes, then come back in and turn the TV on while I'm not looking!
They are outside kids, but once that TV goes on, they turn into robots. Cute little robots who can scream and stamp feet.
However, I will persist and get them to "help" me in the garden. The yard is very overgrown and needs a lot of work done to it. Santa, in his wisdom, has decided to bring a you beaut fort and swing set for Christmas this year, that he saw in the Target catalogue. So, now it is up to me to try and find a space for it and to get rid of all of the things that may be in its way. Fun!! It will all be worth it when my babies spot their present from Santa though. I just have to keep telling myself that!
I am going to make Granny some jam drops today. She likes my jam drops better then anyone elses *flicks hair*. I am always so nervous when making them now, worried that she won't like them!
As for right now, my belly is full of Cocoa Pops so I am about to get dressed and go for a walk to the shops to get the paper. When I get home, Mum and I will discuss the birth announcements and the names that have been chosen. I will then check to see if I know of anyone getting married, engaged or buried. Then I will check Facebook. Because Facebook is my addiction. I really should look at my TAFE book today. I took it to bed with me last night to see how scary it is. It's not too bad, although I am sure that I will be pulling my hair out by the weeks end!
I was shocked to hear the news about Norway this morning. Such terrible news to wake up to. My thoughts and prayers are with the people of the country.
Have a wonderful day everyone, I know I will!
It is a beautiful, sunny day here in Toowoomba. A day that should be spent outside with the children.
Will that really happen though? Hmm.. probably not. The kids will scream and carry on when I turn off Dora The Bloody Explorer and invite them to play outside. They will eventually go out though, for about 5 minutes, then come back in and turn the TV on while I'm not looking!
They are outside kids, but once that TV goes on, they turn into robots. Cute little robots who can scream and stamp feet.
However, I will persist and get them to "help" me in the garden. The yard is very overgrown and needs a lot of work done to it. Santa, in his wisdom, has decided to bring a you beaut fort and swing set for Christmas this year, that he saw in the Target catalogue. So, now it is up to me to try and find a space for it and to get rid of all of the things that may be in its way. Fun!! It will all be worth it when my babies spot their present from Santa though. I just have to keep telling myself that!
I am going to make Granny some jam drops today. She likes my jam drops better then anyone elses *flicks hair*. I am always so nervous when making them now, worried that she won't like them!
As for right now, my belly is full of Cocoa Pops so I am about to get dressed and go for a walk to the shops to get the paper. When I get home, Mum and I will discuss the birth announcements and the names that have been chosen. I will then check to see if I know of anyone getting married, engaged or buried. Then I will check Facebook. Because Facebook is my addiction. I really should look at my TAFE book today. I took it to bed with me last night to see how scary it is. It's not too bad, although I am sure that I will be pulling my hair out by the weeks end!
I was shocked to hear the news about Norway this morning. Such terrible news to wake up to. My thoughts and prayers are with the people of the country.
Have a wonderful day everyone, I know I will!
Friday 22 July 2011
An amazing lady.
My Granny is almost 94. Last Friday night, she got out of bed to go to the toilet, tripped and broke her arm.
She had surgery today and came through perfectly. I'm not surprised though. She is the strongest, most stubborn woman I know!
When I was 17, Mum and I were fighting a lot and I eventually moved out of home to live the high life (ha!). Granny didn't approve of the way I was treating Mum (understandably) and she promptly stopped talking to me. Now, when Granny stops talking to someone, she means it! She hasn't spoken to her Sister for over 30 years! Our "not talking" stint lasted 9 years. In 2003, I held her hand at her daughter's funeral, yet we still didn't talk. So, what made us start talking again? My first born, her first great grandchild. The moment Granny lay eyes on Liam, the bond was formed, and I was back in the fold!
When Liam started talking, he christened Granny "Old Granny" so that he could tell the difference between my Mum, who is also Granny, and my Granny. She loves this name and proudly tells everyone she comes across that that is what her great grandchildren call her. Liam and "Old Granny" are great mates and have the most wonderful conversations on many things. When Liam comes home from sleeping over at Aunty Mo's, who "Old Granny" lives with, he tells us all about what they talked about, usually it is about strangers and bad people!
Granny has led an amazing life. I will tell you her story one day, once I have it all written down and correct. If I started telling you now, I wouldn't do her justice.
I love my Granny.
She had surgery today and came through perfectly. I'm not surprised though. She is the strongest, most stubborn woman I know!
When I was 17, Mum and I were fighting a lot and I eventually moved out of home to live the high life (ha!). Granny didn't approve of the way I was treating Mum (understandably) and she promptly stopped talking to me. Now, when Granny stops talking to someone, she means it! She hasn't spoken to her Sister for over 30 years! Our "not talking" stint lasted 9 years. In 2003, I held her hand at her daughter's funeral, yet we still didn't talk. So, what made us start talking again? My first born, her first great grandchild. The moment Granny lay eyes on Liam, the bond was formed, and I was back in the fold!
When Liam started talking, he christened Granny "Old Granny" so that he could tell the difference between my Mum, who is also Granny, and my Granny. She loves this name and proudly tells everyone she comes across that that is what her great grandchildren call her. Liam and "Old Granny" are great mates and have the most wonderful conversations on many things. When Liam comes home from sleeping over at Aunty Mo's, who "Old Granny" lives with, he tells us all about what they talked about, usually it is about strangers and bad people!
Granny has led an amazing life. I will tell you her story one day, once I have it all written down and correct. If I started telling you now, I wouldn't do her justice.
I love my Granny.
Thursday 21 July 2011
Spoilt much?
My kids are spoilt. And I don't care.
I have been to my third toy sale of the year today. After I swore off toy sales last year, and didn't go to a single one, the bug caught me again once the catalogues started appearing in the mail box about six weeks ago. I produced a pen and took to them with much glee. Oh yes, Liam definitely needs another Nerf gun, because he played with the last one for about 10 minutes last Christmas day and loved it. Mmm... definitely need to get Joseph some more Hot Wheels stuff because the gazillion cars and accessories that he already has isn't enough. As for Clancy, well that Dora doll is calling out her name, even though I detest Dora and would like to mutter some words to her in Spanish down a dark alley.
My children have far too many toys. They have millions. Some are stored in boxes in the garage because there is nowhere to put them. They don't treat them with respect, poor old Buzz Lightyear has spent a night or two out in the rain, but he still soldiers on and declares to save the Universe. The pretty pink pram that Clancy got for her first Birthday is now just a frame. Yet, I keep on buying them things.
Why you may ask? Well, because I can! Actually, I can't really because you need money to buy things, and I don't have any of that. But, I still find a way. I go overboard at Christmas and Birthdays because I love to see the joy on my babies faces when they open a present and see what their little heart desires. The squeals and shrieks of excitement make my heart want to burst with love. To see my tiny little people play with their toys, even for a matter of minutes, makes me the happiest Mummy in the world.
The way I see it, if I can't spoil my kids, who will?! So, Big W, K Mart and Target can thank me for keeping their businesses afloat this year, and for the next who knows how many years after that!
Do you spoil your children with material things?
I have been to my third toy sale of the year today. After I swore off toy sales last year, and didn't go to a single one, the bug caught me again once the catalogues started appearing in the mail box about six weeks ago. I produced a pen and took to them with much glee. Oh yes, Liam definitely needs another Nerf gun, because he played with the last one for about 10 minutes last Christmas day and loved it. Mmm... definitely need to get Joseph some more Hot Wheels stuff because the gazillion cars and accessories that he already has isn't enough. As for Clancy, well that Dora doll is calling out her name, even though I detest Dora and would like to mutter some words to her in Spanish down a dark alley.
My children have far too many toys. They have millions. Some are stored in boxes in the garage because there is nowhere to put them. They don't treat them with respect, poor old Buzz Lightyear has spent a night or two out in the rain, but he still soldiers on and declares to save the Universe. The pretty pink pram that Clancy got for her first Birthday is now just a frame. Yet, I keep on buying them things.
Why you may ask? Well, because I can! Actually, I can't really because you need money to buy things, and I don't have any of that. But, I still find a way. I go overboard at Christmas and Birthdays because I love to see the joy on my babies faces when they open a present and see what their little heart desires. The squeals and shrieks of excitement make my heart want to burst with love. To see my tiny little people play with their toys, even for a matter of minutes, makes me the happiest Mummy in the world.
The way I see it, if I can't spoil my kids, who will?! So, Big W, K Mart and Target can thank me for keeping their businesses afloat this year, and for the next who knows how many years after that!
Do you spoil your children with material things?
Wednesday 20 July 2011
Tooting my own horn *toot toot*
A couple of months ago, I did a short course at TAFE on autobiographical writing. I have always enjoyed writing and hope to one day write a book. Dad and Aunty Rob joined me in the course and we all loved it.
I got my assignment back today and received the following praise from our teacher:
Meredith, you are a born story teller. This is excellent. I laughed out loud quite a few times. You have a real talent for writing and have organised your stories in a logical manner that makes reading your work a real pleasure. Beautiful vocabulary, excellent narration, very effective description. You seriously need to consider sending some of this into The Chronicle or other publication. Keep on writing, Meredith. We need more stories like these.
*happy dance, happy dance*
Never fear, my thousands of blog followers (in my dreams), I will be sharing some of my stories with you over my blogging career, I am saving them for a rainy day!
I got my assignment back today and received the following praise from our teacher:
Meredith, you are a born story teller. This is excellent. I laughed out loud quite a few times. You have a real talent for writing and have organised your stories in a logical manner that makes reading your work a real pleasure. Beautiful vocabulary, excellent narration, very effective description. You seriously need to consider sending some of this into The Chronicle or other publication. Keep on writing, Meredith. We need more stories like these.
*happy dance, happy dance*
Never fear, my thousands of blog followers (in my dreams), I will be sharing some of my stories with you over my blogging career, I am saving them for a rainy day!
A first world problem.
As I sit here and watch my almost 4 year old do the vacuuming for me (he volunteered, honestly), I am missing something very important, something that I love and hold very dear in my life.
My iPhone.
This is only the second time I have been without my beloved since it came into my possession 13 months ago. The first time was thanks to my darling daughter, who decided to throw my beloved across the room, which resulted in a very cracked screen. Over two weeks later, my beloved had been replaced and all was well in my little world again.
Until last week.
I am the first to admit that I am clumsy. If there is a step to fall up or down, I'm your girl. Add to the mix, three children, and my poor old iPhone has had a hard life. Last week, it decided to flash up odd messages about foreign accessories being connected to it, when it wasn't connected to anything at all. I took to Facebook and pleaded with my friends for help. I did all they suggested, including rebooting it and blowing in the charger part. No bananas. It got worse and worse until I had to admit defeat and admitted it to iPhone hospital yesterday. They can't tell me what they are going to do with it. They told me I had to wait for 10 working days, with no visits, until there is a diagnosis.
So, here I am, 24 hours into being apart from my beloved and I am not coping. My apps, my sweet apps. Facebook. Twitter. The weather. Hotmail. It isn't good. I couldn't sleep last night because my night time routine involves playing Scrabble and Solitaire on my beloved before I fall asleep. I am pining.
Now I am doing the housework (well, the almost 4 year old is) and I usually have it tucked down my bra so I can check what's going on in the world while waiting for kettles to boil and washing to finish. I feel so empty. I don't know if I can continue with the housework. I really don't.
Have you ever been without something that while not a necessity, is something that you may rely on more then you know? How did you cope?
While at Coles yesterday, Joseph asked me what we needed. I informed me that I needed a holiday. His reply? "This IS your holiday Mummy". Hmmm... thanks child...
My iPhone.
This is only the second time I have been without my beloved since it came into my possession 13 months ago. The first time was thanks to my darling daughter, who decided to throw my beloved across the room, which resulted in a very cracked screen. Over two weeks later, my beloved had been replaced and all was well in my little world again.
Until last week.
I am the first to admit that I am clumsy. If there is a step to fall up or down, I'm your girl. Add to the mix, three children, and my poor old iPhone has had a hard life. Last week, it decided to flash up odd messages about foreign accessories being connected to it, when it wasn't connected to anything at all. I took to Facebook and pleaded with my friends for help. I did all they suggested, including rebooting it and blowing in the charger part. No bananas. It got worse and worse until I had to admit defeat and admitted it to iPhone hospital yesterday. They can't tell me what they are going to do with it. They told me I had to wait for 10 working days, with no visits, until there is a diagnosis.
So, here I am, 24 hours into being apart from my beloved and I am not coping. My apps, my sweet apps. Facebook. Twitter. The weather. Hotmail. It isn't good. I couldn't sleep last night because my night time routine involves playing Scrabble and Solitaire on my beloved before I fall asleep. I am pining.
Now I am doing the housework (well, the almost 4 year old is) and I usually have it tucked down my bra so I can check what's going on in the world while waiting for kettles to boil and washing to finish. I feel so empty. I don't know if I can continue with the housework. I really don't.
Have you ever been without something that while not a necessity, is something that you may rely on more then you know? How did you cope?
While at Coles yesterday, Joseph asked me what we needed. I informed me that I needed a holiday. His reply? "This IS your holiday Mummy". Hmmm... thanks child...
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Here we go!
Well, here I am. Starting a blog. Again. Let's see if I do more then three posts this time hey? Since my last attempt, I have become a bit of a blog stalker, so I now have a fair bit of inspiration, which helps!
I suppose you want to know a bit about me, and if you don't, well tough! I never know where to start with these things, honestly!
Well, I grew up in far South West Queensland and had a pretty spectacular childhood in the bush. I am a country girl, I love my boots, music and jeans. My family are devastated. I don't only love everything country though, I don't really have a "style" that I fit into really. I have a big brother, Matt, who drives me insane but I do love him! Teasing never goes out of fashion with siblings I feel, don't you?
I now live in Toowoomba. I never saw myself living in a big town, but here I am and I think I will be here for a while longer because the schools and hospitals are great, as are the shops!
I have been married, well I still am really, but not for much longer hopefully! My marriage resulted in three beautiful children, who are the most amazing things I have ever done in my life. Liam is 6 in a couple of months and is in Prep this year. He is my sensitive, outdoors loving little man. He is growing far too quickly and is losing teeth so quickly that the Tooth Fairy is having to take out loans to keep him satisfied! Joseph is almost 4 and is most definitely my funny, talkative, "middle" child. He keeps me entertained constantly, either with his stories and questions, or with his tantrums. He has the most amazing eyes, that express his feelings very efficiently! Clancy is turning 2 soon and is my sweet, little girl. Being the only girl, and the baby of the family, I *ahem* may have spoilt her a little bit. She is a very stubborn, determined little lady and gives the BEST cuddles!
I have recently enrolled in TAFE and will be studying Office Administration externally. As soon as I get my books, I'll be blogging about spreadsheets and how very annoying they are! I am now the proud owner of an ABN, which caused great excitement in my life, it doesn't take much! Now that I have a "business", I am hoping to put my typing skills to work by doing some medical typing from home.
Hmm... that's about it for now, not very exciting am I?
Stand by though, I will try and be more entertaining with the next update!
I suppose you want to know a bit about me, and if you don't, well tough! I never know where to start with these things, honestly!
Well, I grew up in far South West Queensland and had a pretty spectacular childhood in the bush. I am a country girl, I love my boots, music and jeans. My family are devastated. I don't only love everything country though, I don't really have a "style" that I fit into really. I have a big brother, Matt, who drives me insane but I do love him! Teasing never goes out of fashion with siblings I feel, don't you?
I now live in Toowoomba. I never saw myself living in a big town, but here I am and I think I will be here for a while longer because the schools and hospitals are great, as are the shops!
I have been married, well I still am really, but not for much longer hopefully! My marriage resulted in three beautiful children, who are the most amazing things I have ever done in my life. Liam is 6 in a couple of months and is in Prep this year. He is my sensitive, outdoors loving little man. He is growing far too quickly and is losing teeth so quickly that the Tooth Fairy is having to take out loans to keep him satisfied! Joseph is almost 4 and is most definitely my funny, talkative, "middle" child. He keeps me entertained constantly, either with his stories and questions, or with his tantrums. He has the most amazing eyes, that express his feelings very efficiently! Clancy is turning 2 soon and is my sweet, little girl. Being the only girl, and the baby of the family, I *ahem* may have spoilt her a little bit. She is a very stubborn, determined little lady and gives the BEST cuddles!
I have recently enrolled in TAFE and will be studying Office Administration externally. As soon as I get my books, I'll be blogging about spreadsheets and how very annoying they are! I am now the proud owner of an ABN, which caused great excitement in my life, it doesn't take much! Now that I have a "business", I am hoping to put my typing skills to work by doing some medical typing from home.
Hmm... that's about it for now, not very exciting am I?
Stand by though, I will try and be more entertaining with the next update!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)